I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
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