I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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