i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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