your parents love me but you hate me
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
A+ Viking dick
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
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