Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
