The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
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