apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
Randomize
