then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Randomize
