I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
Randomize
