last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
