Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
I touched a dick in church today
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
