i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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