It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
