Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Randomize