Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
My penis needs a shock collar
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
Randomize
