dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
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