I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Randomize
