I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
