if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
