I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Randomize
