My nipple is on Facebook.
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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