You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
Randomize
