What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
