We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
Randomize
