You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
