What a fucking waste of an outfit
I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
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