Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
