If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
Randomize
