Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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