today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
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