I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
BRING THE BAGELS
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
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