you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize
