You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
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