I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
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