looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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