You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
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