so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
Randomize
