you will always have a special place in my vag
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
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