How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
