Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
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