Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
Randomize
