Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
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