her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
Randomize
