She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
Randomize
