There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
