I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
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