If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
Randomize
