I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
Randomize
