Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Randomize
