Say something about gay babies.
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
