it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
Randomize
