Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
Randomize
