Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
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