Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
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