Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
home. puking in laundry basket.
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
